Women's Running Article Hits Home

As always I get excited upon opening my mail and seeing my Women's Running magazine, especially since lately they had been sending me two.  However, I think someone got that unfortunate problem fixed-darn it.

I always love the tips, clothes, editors notes, stories of how running changed people's lives; however, there was one article this month that had me in tears.  Their cover model winner was a breast cancer survivor.  She was a marathoner and just completed her first Half Ironman.  My grandmother and my mother are both breast cancer survivors.  Since they developed the disease later in life-past 50-the doctors didn't see a reason to genetically test me.  However, for years now, once a year I go in for a mammogram and an ultrasound.  Once a year I cry in the waiting room and call my mom.  Once a year I am terrified sitting in a nice comfy robe, waiting to get tested.  However, the complimentary chocolate they give with the robe is nice. My mom felt a lump and was persistent.  Glad she was, because the mammogram didn't detect it-yep-mind blown.  Therefore, the ultrasound did.

It is amazing to me that women will go put in hours at the gym and eat right and yet don't do self breast exams.  And they bitch about their yearly exam.  I deal with regularly where I work.  I am sorry-you are complaining because we want to make sure you aren't showing any cancer cells in your cervix-so sorry. Cancer doesn't give a shit if your married or in a monogamous relationship-FYI.   #sorryiamnotsorry

Lindsey Hein describes her story of being an athlete, wife and mom in this issue.

She describes her treatment, her choices and deciding to have another child after treatment.  I was lucky that my moms cancer didn't spread.  She had surgery and no radiation or chemo.  I am thankful for that.  Even though all my tests have been great- I still make my doctor send the findings, which I have no real idea what they mean-a bunch of numbers and terms, but somehow it makes me feel a bit better nonetheless.  I am so thankful that I am healthy.  I can get up each day and do what I want.  I do struggle with asthma-and at times it's hard, but it pales in comparison what others endure everyday and get out and kick the day's ass.  So, it makes me even more upset that perfectly healthy people sit on the couch. Seriously?  I hope you take time to read this article either online or bogart a quick read at your local book store (we all do it ;-)).  Here is the link.
http://womensrunning.competitor.com/

Namaste Introvertness

Sometimes I know it is hard for many to believe that this Irish girl can be an introvert.  There is a part of me that loves time alone, time to reflect or time to nap and watch Netflix.  I don't allow myself that a lot-and maybe that is my problem.  It's hard for me to relax and "do nothing" at times.  But when I start to feel overwhelmed or agitated at the little things, I know it's time to shut down-shut down my electronics, shut down being so accessible, shut down being so hard on myself.

I tend to have the classic Virgo tendencies.  To be perfect, to always be pleasing, to always say yes...I found a great reprieve from this during marathon training.  I finally started being what I thought was selfish.  Only to have one of my best friends tell me it wasn't selfish at all.  I was saying no to plans that didn't fit in with my sleep, training or eating.  I was basically doing what others had been doing.  It was also during this time I probably fell the most in love with yoga.  I practice hot yoga in my community and I was going Friday mornings before my long runs on Saturday and for a nice restorative balance Sunday mornings.  I learned to let go of my "ego" and be grateful for what my body could do and embrace what it couldn't do.  I had been watching inspirational videos that NYC Marathon posted and I kept hearing this one song.  Then, in my practice I was hearing it as well.  I fell in love with it and it became my sanctuary.  I listen to it when I need to focus, let go, unwind and just be in tune with me.  I listen to it a lot before races in fact.  I am listening to it right now.  Here it is-enjoy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWcyIpul8OE

Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean your anti-social.  For me it's about becoming reconnected and yes, possibly escaping for a day or two to recharge my batteries.

I have this chair as well, but I do love my recliner :-)

I feel that yoga allows for this.  It's about me and mind and body.  I am not looking at what the other person is doing.  Even after all that I have done in my athletic career, I am the most proud of my body when I am in a yoga class.  Maybe it's because it's about me and I am not chasing someone down or vice versa.  I am also trying to let go of individuals that are negative and those who are oh so supportive behind a keyboard, but not in real life.  I feel like I am juggling a lot of stress balls lately.  Stress about money, stress about finding a job, stress that I have a Masters and I really want to use it, stress that I busted my butt all through school and even with good grades I am struggling in finding a career.  Stress of possibly feeling this urge to move, to grow and to be uncomfortable.  Stress that everyone I share these fears with are people who have jobs and a paycheck-so is there a level of understanding or empathy?  At times, yes. Upon these feelings today I found this blog about letting our inner fire burn-clearing the bullshit, people who give you bullshit really, and are surface supporters is what I call them.  I found it amazing on many levels.  Take time to enjoy the moment without planning the next moment, to sit in silence with a good book and to recharge your batteries.

http://www.quietlyauthentic.com/4/post/2014/08/burning-old-belief-systems-so-your-inner-fire-can-flow.html

Fav song right now and an Ode to the Rims.

First new song alert-thank you Spotify Evening Chill.  Great songs on that playlist.  I am loving this one and listening to it right now.

As my time in Billings is coming to an end, I am so thankful for this trip.  I decided to come on this trip to spend time with my friends and family.  Usually my trips would consist of my dad asking what I was eating for training so he could whip that up for a meal then I could be out the door for hours.  Also, this is the first summer I am not in grad school.  So, it is a nice reprieve for those around me not to have to deal with my stressed out self.  In fact, on this trip I barely know myself-hello drinks and biscuits and gravy for breakfast and how about fries for dinner.  Please and thank you.  #sorryiamnotsorry

I have been able to hang out with some of my favorites and re-connect with old friends.  I decided many trips ago, that I wasn't going to spend my limited time I spend in B-town trying to make plans with people. Texting and calling people to fill my day.  It was so exhausting, especially when you are the one doing all the reaching out.  Some friends you need to let go, some friends you don't need to see every time and you still love each other.  So, as of lately, I have been just posting I am in town.  People can hit me up if they want to hang out and that is who I make time for.  And sometimes I catch up with others next trip.

This trip has been a bit more nostalgic for me.  Maybe because I am not running around with my head cut off.  I am breathing Billings in.  Maybe part of that is the re-connect with an old friend from high school.  And suddenly I find myself thinking of all the summers spent here in high school and back home for college.  All the times going to the fair and time spent on the rims.  The rims is the most identifying of all things Billings. I remembering going around one of the turns on Zimmerman Trail and seeing all the classes paint their graduation year on the cement guard rail and counting the years until my class was up. I remember driving up Zimmerman Trail to head to the Heights, this magical place where Skyview boys lived.  Sitting up there, I loved listening to the crickets at night, their sound letting you know that summer is still here, albeit fleeting. Reminds me of camping out in the backyard.  I remember going to the rims to repel, to hang out, to skip school, to make out, to run, to do bootcamp and most of all, to look out at this vast city and dream big and at the same time loving this community.  The lights showing how the city is alive and buzzing, but the openness of the Big Sky showing you the endless possibilities of what life may hold outside the city limits.

The Rims

Thank you to all my friends and family who spent a little bit of time with me on this trip.  Thank you to my dad's hot tub and thank you Billings. xo

Billings-36 hours or bust.....

It's always funny to return to your hometown.  Whether living far away or a drive away.  I write this now from my old bedroom at my dad's house.  Part of me wants to sneak out the big bedroom window, just to see if I still can.

I actually have a hard time being in Billings most of the time.  I can usually only be here about 36 hours.  But up to the challenge, I am trying to stay wee bit past that.  However, it will take some dedication on my part. Mainly because there is no baseball game during my time here.  Honestly though, I wonder why I can't wait to get back to Helena.  My family lives here, some of my greatest friends live here; so why the rush?

I think it is because in Helena I have water, trails, mountains literally out my door.  I have this great community, this little niche to call mine-or at least part of mine-ish.  I often get asked if I would move back here and the answer is always the same: "Not unless my dream job was here."  My parents know this.  My life has changed so much since leaving Billings.  I am way more active and I dream a little bit bigger. Therefore, I like to visit here-albeit briefly.  Also, I am a creature of habit for the most part (although trying to change that in 2014-hello ice skating, water polo, Ironman...) so having my little routine makes me feel less chaotic.

But I do love this town.  I love knowing that I made out on the rims and looked at the stars, made the rounds at the downtown bars, laughed and cried my way through this town.  I grew up, literally on Cobb Field with my dad and the third base line.  I ran my heart out here.  One of my favorite half marathons is here.  My favorite coffee shop is here.  Some of the greatest fighters for equality live here.  Therefore, some of my heart will always be here.

Alas, my best manfriend lives here.  Again.  Jared moved back here a bit ago and I am so happy, because he is always a must for me to hang out when here.... it's like my dad, then Jared....  He moved to L.A. (my old stomping grounds as well) last year.  I always felt a part of Billings was missing when he was gone and I was here.  So, imagine my excitement to be able to spend actual face time together versus messages and phone calls.  Jared is that friend that really gets me.  You know the one that you can TRULY be yourself around.  He understands my love for all things A&E-"A&E is the truth!!" to the book I should write about how I hate slow talkers and people who pause for too long with a sub section called throat punching and that besties always share fries.  We have been friends for so long I can't really remember us not being friends in our adult lives.  However, he got a gig back in L.A. and had to go back-so we won't see each other-this time! But he will be back and I am first on the list to see in just 6 short weeks.  So, my time in Billings may have decreased-kidding, but seriously.  However, I leave this post with a few pictures of Jared and I.  Until we can make more memories friend....

Exercise Therapy

I am starting to get back into the swing of things post Ironman.  My friend Adrienna and I are going to run the Bozeman Half Marathon, on my birthday no less!  What a great way to celebrate.  I am also lucky that two of my other friends, Kelli and Tina, jumped into cheer and share a girls weekend.  I do love that half marathon, it is so pretty.  I was really dialed into my NYC Marathon training last year, so this is just a "fun run" for me.  I know, most people choose a 5k for a fun!

It's no surprise that when we can't exercise as much as we like, we get cranky.  So many benefits from being active, maybe not to the endurance athlete experience, but taking 20 min for "you."  I just helped one my best friends locate an elliptical because she has two little ones, but was really missing getting out and doing things.  When we went to go pick it up, her son, who I refer to as "little buddy" said "what is that?" I replied: "it will make mommy nicer." Ha! Of course my friend is already a great mom and much more patient than I could ever dream of, but isn't it true on some level?

I have solved many of my life's heartache, problems and questions on a run, bike or staring at a black line on the bottom of a pool.  I have made business models and conquered fears by sharing with my training partners.  Although, not really in the pool-it's hard to talk underwater and I prefer air to conversation while swimming!  However, swimming has this unbelievable calming effect on me.  Maybe, that is why I can never get enough of it at some level.

Last week, I finally got on my bike! Fuego and I did an easy loop and I got off and petted some horses-and yes, took a selfie.

El Caballo Blanco

It was nice to ride and enjoy the day rather than calculate speed and nutrition.  It's great to run with a fun goal in mind.  I hate that summer is slowly ending, and that it's still almost dark at 6 am.  I am not a fan of getting up at dark, I have hated since I was a child.  I remember telling my mom I didn't have to get up because it was dark and no one goes to school in the dark. However, watching the sunrise here in Montana is totally worth it.  Adrienna took this on our morning run today.

Le Grande loop

As tired as I get from training, I know I would be beast without it.  Soaking up the summer is my goal right now.  Along with napping as much as humanly possible.

Motivation

Motivation is a funny thing.  For me, I have it all during my training to my A race of the year.  I love a plan telling me what to do.  All during training I make deals with my body.  These deals are usually promising to get more sleep, to stretch more and for my body to hold out and then I will give it rest.  So, when that A race is done, the motivation subsides.

There is a discombobulation that occurs after the goal race.  After the Ironman, I have found myself not wanting to lose fitness while battling the need for sleep and rest.  The irritation that occurs between the need to keep going with the need to let your body repair itself.  I have also found that Ironman training aftermath is different for me than the NYC Marathon training.  Whilst training for the triathlon I had friends and my tri partner to hold me accountable and talk to while training.  In marathon training, I did have friends on some runs, but there were a lot of time you are out there alone.  So, I am finding it hard to run, bike, swim by myself.  I actually apologized to my bike, Fuego, because we haven't hit the road in two weeks together.  Yes, I did verbalize this directly, most likely while touching the frame.  Don't judge.

Alas, this is what good friends are for.  Thank you to my friends who meet me for runs/swim/bike these days. I am trying to take a few months and enjoy the fun fitness get togethers.  I actually played water polo yesterday!  It was my first time and I knew it may be the only time I get to do it this summer.  This late morning run, my friend and I discussed how we need to cut ourselves slack.  If we don't get out there and do something that day, to not beat ourselves up about it.  It's only been 2 weeks since Calgary, and I need to cut myself slack for doing yoga and not doing a 4 hour ride.  So, let us, including myself, focus on how much we have achieved, rather than how far we have to go.  Below is a pic of me in my first triathlon.  Cage pedals-that I had on until a year ago-and a bike that really didn't fit me, but I went out there and did it!

Queen City Triathlon 2011

 

And so it begins...

Yes, I have entered the world of blogging.  Stay Tuned.  In the meantime, enjoy this TB picture of me in my cross-country days.  I had awesome tan lines even then.

Go Locomotives!