Alaska Adventures

On April 14, 2016, I was able to cross something off my bucket list.  I was able to travel to Alaska. The trip was for work thrown in with a couple days of play. I wanted to hit the ground running on both.  This journey would be epic and would change a little part of me.  Also, Alaska is Montana on steroids.

But, first, this song. I am loving this right now.  Also, the video reminds of my old neighborhood in Los Angles, conveniently called The Jungle. 

 Jungle

My work sent me to Alaska for an event and to create relationships/partnerships with community contacts.  We also have driving schools up there.  With my flight delayed a day, I definitely hit the ground running once I arrived.  I wanted to make my work proud and prove that I deserved to go there.  I had great meetings and the event was great.  Nice to work with our Alaska staff and see the culture that is Alaska.  Grateful to be sent to there.  

On my days off I took advantage of what people told me to see.  I went whale watching on my first day.  I traveled to Seward to do this.  The road takes you right by the ocean and through mountains with glimpses of glaciers.  It was the most beautiful drive I have ever been on.  Ever.  I would take pictures of everything around me.  The snow capped mountains, the crisp blue and green water, the blue skies and I swear I felt so close to the sun.  The light there is indescribable.  Pure magic.  When I was driving the sun would occasionally dip behind the mountains and when it did this, it would feel like 8 o'clock at night.  That is how much it lights up the sky.  Powerful. No filters on any pictures!

I sat with a mom and daughter at my table on the whale watching trip.  They were a lot of fun and I couldn't have asked for better people.  Anytime I am near water or on water I feel at peace and right at home.  This explains my love for swimming.  It was beautiful out.  Clear and sunny.  We saw sea otters, sea lions and gray and humpback whales.  It was awesome.  I wish I could think of a better word for this experience, but I just can't.  Seeing these huge creatures in their natural habitat was pure awesomeness.  Another thing checked off my bucket list. At one point, when they blew water out, it hit the sun just right and looked like a rainbow. AWESOME.  On the drive up there I also made a detour to Exit Glacier.  I got as close as I could, since the road was closed down for snow still.  I got out of the car and explored.  You could hear all the animals around you echoing off the glaciers.  I just closed my eyes and listened and breathed.  I did this for short periods only because I didn't want to get eaten.  That would not have been fun nor was it on the itinerary.  But, it was extraordinary to be out there and so close to the glaciers.  I have never felt so tiny and so awed at the same time.  Memorable feeling.

Earlier in the week I was able to hit the Anchorage museum after our event and it was a free day! I also had dinner by the ocean and hit up the Tony Knowles Coastal Trail.  I wanted to bike this, but the bike rentals weren't available yet.  I also ran a bit on this trail.  Very pretty.  Then I sat on this bench to lookout over the ocean and inhaled and exhaled the experience.  You need to do this.  Sometimes we are so busy taking pictures and not really living in the moment.  Then I looked down and saw this on the bench.  Sometimes the universe plainly writes its message out for you.

This opened up Tuesday for me.  I decided to hike up to Flat Top.  This lookout allows you to over look the whole town and inlets.  I saw Denali a few times on this trip and you could see it from here as well.  Then Fire Island.  And of course you are right next to these great mountains again.  I just sat on of the rocks and took it all in.  Yes, again I closed my eyes. This allows me to really be in the moment and center myself.  Then on the other side of the lookout, a storm was coming in and that was amazing to watch.  It rolled in-between the mountains and looked fierce. I imagined what it would be like climbing the mountain and have that roll up on you.  Once again, felt so tiny in the space around me. After exploring I went to the Snow City Cafe and sat at the counter and befriended an older gentleman.  That is what I like about vacationing by myself.  You are completely open to anything.  And you are on your own schedule.  He was a nice and ordered the same thing every day and got a punch on his card.  He said "You know, after 11 breakfasts, the 12 is free."  Someone who orders the same thing and loves a goal of free food-it was like hanging out with me!  Overall, I found Alaskans to be very nice.  I did notice it is a port town for airlines.  The gentleman asked me if I was a flight attendant.   I told him I was an explorer (after I told him I was there for work-ha!).  But, I sat at the counter with my coffee and breakfast and journaled a mantra that came to me earlier on Flat Top.  I had so many thoughts and creative juices flowing on this trip, I wanted to make sure I captured them.  Being completely open does that for you. 

Then I hit this amazing cycling class I had been eyeing.  I do have traditions when I travel.  I must see if there is a lululemon.  I must find a yoga studio.  I must run.  Cycling and swimming are just bonuses.  The reason I had my eye on this class was because it was like Soul Cycle.  Two big screens with everyone's bike number so you see what place you are in the class in terms how hard you are working and then would switch to your power meters.  That was awesome.  Then someone help you to your bike and make sure you are set up correctly.  Basically felt like spa cycling! But, then a guy comes in to teach, in a trucker hat and starts becoming a DJ and cycling at the same time.  Cool remixes, techno and house music.  I was in heaven and he adjusted the lights to florescent at times. Fun hip hop cycling and I busted my butt.  We need that here.  It was everything I imagined it would be.  I did their yoga class on Monday.    Legit set ups and so much room, clean dressing rooms and showers.  If you go to Anchorage, check out Anchorage Yoga and Cycle

Wednesday I decided to head back up to Seward to see the Sea Life Center and explore the town.  I love animals and mammals, so I could have stayed there all day.  It was fun.  I wanted to see puffins on this trip and I did.  I also watched this sea lion swim laps and keep swimming.  He would look for me on each loop, pretty sure he loved my hot pink Betty hat.  When he would pass me he would close his eyes and keep swimming his circles.  He was having a fine day and so content.  I think he loved showing off, but also he just seemed peaceful.  It was amazing to see something that big swim so close to you and be that close to eye contact.  Once again, felt so small and it was awesome.

I then walked through the town and headed out after lunch.  I wanted to get to the Wildlife Conservatory.  This place helped animals that had been injured.  I was excited, because besides whales and puffins, I really wanted to see an Alaska moose.  Upon getting there, they give you a map and you can drive or walk the loops to see the animals.  It was about 1.5 miles, so I decided to walk. I went directly to the moose.  They were so big.  I talked to one and it came over to me and hung out near me, then went over to the side and peed in the water.  Then it looked back at me.  I told him it was cool and don't be embarrassed.  I pee in water too! (Triathlete-hello). Hung out with the rest of them for a minute and then went on to explore some more.  Saw black bear, bison, muskox, gray wolf, caribou, bald eagle, owls and a possum.  All of it was very cool.  I then circled back to the moose.  I hung out there a bit more and then said goodbye.

One the way back, I stopped at some pullouts and took in the miraculous views of the landscape again. I couldn't get enough of it.  I wanted to keep breathing it in, like somehow I could take it with me. But, in my heart I knew I would.  I knew this was just what I needed.  A pause to my life.  A moment to breathe and unplug.  This trip gave me inspiration to take a baby step to a possible dream project.  I gained the clarity of gratefulness to live on this amazing planet and I felt so lucky to be there, in these moments.  I still think about the air, the sun and the mountains in Alaska.  The crispness of the scenery filling my lungs as I closed my eyes.  Sometimes we need to be reminded how small we are to imagine how big we can be.  Dream big. Dream out loud. Breathe deep. Be present and surrender to the vastness of your surroundings.  

  

The Gift Of Running

I often hear how sport has changed or saved someone's life.  I would understand this only on the surface level of emotion, until it did just that for me.  The sport was running.  The year was 2013.  I think of this time fondly and hold it sacred.

But, before I get into how training for the NYCM was a journey that changed my world, new song.

Sit Still, Look Pretty


I am going to share a poem that came across my computer this week.  It inspired this post and this picture of my shoes situation.

Hello, love. I got you a present. Oh, I hope you like it! I thought it would be perfect for you. It looks small, but don’t assume. Go on, open it!

It is a Mountain - for you to stand tall, proud, and confident on.
It is a Voice - for you to use when you need to speak your mind.
It is Truth - for you to live by, day in and day out.
It is Humility - for you to admit your weaknesses and wrongdoings.
It is Friendship - to connect to others over your shared passion.
It is Generosity - for when you want to share yourself with the world.
It is a Sob - for when your world brings you to your knees.
It is a Scream - for when your rage consumes you and demands to be released.
It is Gratitude - for when your heart swells so big with love you’re afraid it will burst.

.....What’s that?
Oh, I know all these presents LOOK like a pair of sneakers, but trust me on this one. 

Running is a gift, because it can be anything you need it to be.

I still have the hot pink Asics Nimbus that I ran the NYCM in the pile of shoes I own by my door (under the second set of shoes-HA).  I keep them for many reasons.  I keep them because they carried me on a journey that I never expected to be on.  They carried me to a finish line that was 20 some weeks in the making.  They gave me hope. They listened when I complained and helped me keep going when I didn't think I had anything left in the tank.  They healed my heart and soul and eventually taught me to fall in love again....with my self.

I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but just to recap.  I had watched the NYCM on the TV for years and had entered the lottery and not got in 2 times.  Beginning of 2013, I made my first vision board beginning of 2013.  I had cut these shoes out, the Asic Nimbus in hot pink, because I liked them.  At the time I was a Brooks runner.  Didn't think much of it.  Also, in 2013 my contract with my job ended.  Also, it was the end of a relationship with a guy that I thought could be my last relationship.  That was a slow death, but nonetheless, very painful.  Not so much the end, but the end of what I envisioned for my world.  I was sad, scared and crumbled.  This was March.  In May, I went in to my local running store and said I needed a change.  Everything around me was changing, why not my running shoe.  I walked out with-yep you guessed it, the hot pink Asic Nimbus.  I had only realized a while later that this was the shoe on my vision board.  Two and half weeks later I was accepted into the NYCM.  Amazing that two months earlier I had no direction...of anything.  And now I could focus on training and my Masters.  I did take a break from work during this time and just trained.  Knowing that kind of opportunity would not present itself again in the future for a long time.

I began running and training.  My heart and world still a little shaky.  But, I documented the process and people began following it and rooting for me.  For the first time I was called inspiring.  I was just out there putting in miles and chasing healing.  I remember telling my friend Tami that I was learning to love myself again and feel strong.  She gave me a word for this time-Surrender.  For an A type personality, that was a lesson in itself.  But, I focused on it.  A pair of running shoes created more possibilities than I could have ever imagined.  Each week I started to believe in myself and that I could reach that finish line.  My body changed without me really thinking of it.  My soul shined and heart healed.  I was a different girl at the end of that training.  Stronger.  Happier.  Goal Setter.

This trail is right outside my house.  No filter.  Montana is for Badasses.

My favorite pair of shoes has done all the things listed in the poem above and so much more.  That is why I keep the sneakers and wear them.  To be proud.  To remember how far I have come.  To remind me that possibilities are endless, if we just take the first step.

Badass Pool Therapy

Well, these last 2 months have been a ride.  Sometimes a roller coaster, other times a joy ride; but mostly an up and down, spinning ride.  Now, I feel like I am off it and getting my footing, without the stomach queasiness.  

But, before I jump in (literally), a song for your enjoyment.

Faded

Now, that it has become official, I can let the world wide web know.  The company I work for merged, with another club in the organization.  I knew this was happening last year, but end of December, beginning of January, I became concerned with my role.  For many reasons.  When one hears merger it triggers the fight in flight in people, or at least people such as myself.  And, not only did we merge, but we hired a new advertising agency as well.  Change can be scary and exciting. But, scared usually comes first.  I had so many questions-"Am I losing my job?  Are others losing their job? If I don't lose my job, how would it be changing?"  That was just the tip of the iceberg in my over analyzing mind.  

There were meetings and more meetings, then meetings to discuss these meetings.  There was feedback, there were goals, there was growing and push back and then, there were tears.  I had only told a couple close friends that this was going on and of course my parents.  I asked for prayers and fingers crossed from Betty Teammates about the general feedback sessions that were going on.  I could feel their strength.  One of my closest friends and mentors offered hugs and advice and her fortitude gave me solid footing.  My parents, both held higher positions in their own organizations, gave me knowledge and wisdom.  Still there were tears, fear and uncertainty.

Those two months I walked on eggshells and stomach problems and didn't sleep. My boss says feedback is a gift.  Sometimes it's hard to receive that gift.  The merger meant higher expectations. I had no idea if I would have a job.  I felt disappointed, others felt disappointed.  I sat in meetings where expectations were laid out, feedback was given and then I was left to process and report back. So, I do what I do best.  I jumped in a pool, drowned out the noise, focused on the black line at the bottom of a pool and processed, meditated and devised a plan.  There were many sessions of this. I took solace with my Master Swimming group, to be with people who didn't talk merger or growth, but rather the big debate was going first.  I have mourned and celebrated in a pool staring at the black line.  During this time, I also developed a tradition of swimming by myself on Sundays.  Bright and early.  Usually just me in the pool.  It's my time.  It's my church.  The sun came up with each lap a little bit more and reflected in the water and there was calmness.  I prayed more, I took time during this ritual to re-group my energy and devise my comeback. A plan that stayed true to my spirit and my authentic self and yet, performed at a much higher pace and proof that I was up to the challenge that was in front of me.  

There are two things you can do when someone/something challenges you to up your game-you can shrink or you can become a badass.  I chose the second.  I was done with not sleeping, stomach issues, tears and walking on eggshells.  I needed to take ownership of my brand, the very thing I teach my peers and those in my life.  You are your brand.  Own it.  And, to be completely honest with this, I let my brand slip over the last few months.  The very thing I was feeling at work, I was feeling outside of work in certain situations.  But, it was time to let it go.

Pool therapy is the best.  So cathartic. No one can really talk to you and you aren't expected to talk or to talk very long.  It's you and the water, listening to your body, looking at the black line, working on your stroke, your breathing, your kick, your rotation, your push off and essentially, yourself. So, being my badass self, I kept swimming, I kept attending my church, I kept surrounding myself and confiding in other badass women-my tribe.  

And, I did the next logical step-I listened to a book that my fellow badasses had read.  I love audio books.  I listen to them to and from work, while I clean and when I travel.  And the above-mentioned book for me was a game changer.  

And you can get yours here: You are a Badass

This woman was me.  In short, it helped me get out of my work rut, out of my own head and I outlined how I would be kicking ass at my-more demanding-high speed-job and essentially in many ways gave me the courage to devise a plan to kick more ass and be even more badass at my own life. All of which are thrilling and in new ways-scary.  But, if we aren't growing and standing up to shrinking, then what are we doing? 

I also continued reading Rising Strong by Brene' Brown.  This book is also amazing.  Brown reminds us that it's human nature to fall and then we must get the hell up. There is no shame to dust yourself off.  Re-group. Re-focus.  Breathe. 

We need moments that make us stop and catch our breath.  We need new opportunities, we need to be pushed and I know I definitely needed to be pushed and scared to be able grow. Complacency is what should scare us.  But, I know that I have the tools to jump in and be better, just like in the pool. So, here is to putting it all out there and being more badass.

 

Fiercely Guarding Joy

Well, goodbye 2015.  When I got in my car after my NYE mile timed swim, this song was on the radio.  So relevant in my life right now.  Not only do I have big dreams in 2016 that will require big work, but I also will be cleaning my closet of sorts.  Clearing out relationships that aren't beneficial.  I will still be nice to these people and use it as motivation to be better, but relationships that don't rise you up and help you grow are so 2015.  So, I leave you this song.  And, honestly, who isn't hoping for a Destiny Child's reunion?

Survivor

I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert's Magic Lessons  podcast this summer-a recommendation from my friend Stephanie.  So, awesome.  I was hooked.  I am now reading her book Big Magic.  And, of course, I am finding any podcast with her and Brene Brown.  I am also reading Brown's book Rising Strong.  Over the last few months I have become more aware in being more vulnerable.  In doing so, I find that I cry a little more often.  Good, right?  I am not a pretty crier-not good.  Not crying because I am sad, let me just make that clear.  But, crying at times when I am so open to someone/something that it's scary.  And it is scary right?  One doesn't want to feel bad-shame- about sharing something so powerful.  Brene has been a great teacher in this.  Elizabeth Gilbert has been instrumental to creating magic in my life.  Listening to my calling and my creativity.  Gilbert also talks about joy.  She uses joy instead of the word happiness because it is a deeper rooted word.  Try it.  Joy brings a deeper connection to whatever you are talking about.  And the last few weeks I have had this phrase pop in my head, "I am going to fiercely guard my joy in 2016."  

I worked hard in 2015.  I accomplished some great goals.  I finished my Half Ironman and set a personal best.  Considering 3 weeks before that I couldn't get out of bed and was a hot mess health wise.  But, I threw caution to the wind and found joy in my bike again and simply getting out of bed.  I let the sun hit my face as I went to the Farmers Market and inhaled the day.  I think this took the edge off.  I also hit some great goals of mine.  Big goals.  I became sponsored by Rudy Project and Women For Tri Ambassador. Being ambassador allows me to encourage women and promote my sport. 

I also hit two other major goals.  I was selected to be on Team Betty 2016 (that has other sponsors enrolled with it!) and signed up for my first Ironman (2.4 mile swim, 112 bike ride and 26.2 mile run). 

I only told a few people of the Ironman dream and I didn't tell anyone of the Betty dream. I see these Betty's at races and my friend Stephanie was one and they incorporate hot pink and badassness #BadAssIsBeautiful. So, I was super excited to be on the team. This group of women are kicking ass all over the world.  About 3,000 people applied from over the world and only about 250 women were chosen.  And I am honored to be selected to this group.  They are inspiring and lift you up and share their stories.  I didn't think I was chosen and then when this emailed showed up, I squealed!!  So honored to represent this team. 

You can get awesome Betty Gear as well-check this out!

Betty Gear!!

Betty New Year Goals!!

So, back to joy.  Ultimately, we are all responsible to our joy.  We own it.  That also means you are responsible for letting people try to steal it from you. I have had that recently. In my friends and family. I have a couple of girlfriends who aren't happy for my success, goals (past and present), positive things in my life and have gone out of their way to let me know-either on FB or in interactions. It's hard not to take it personally. It hurt. So many reasons it hurt. I always support them, I thought they were my friends and they are women not supporting other women. Nothing sets me more over the edge than that. I am only competing with the me of yesterday or last year...not you. I reached out to my friend Stephanie who gave me the comfort my heart needed. And she shared this video with me of Brene and Oprah. It is so good. Watch it. I have over and over again. But, here I was letting people steal my joy. I also have a family member that continues to do this. I had already set boundaries with them and the week before Christmas I said what I needed to say. I set the final boundary on my joy. I am not letting them steal it anymore and if others want to continue to let that happen in their relationships with this person, then so be it. But, I also realized that I cannot even listen to how this person is stealing other's joy. I am taking back my joy in these scenarios and fiercely guarding my joy in the future. This does not mean to rude or mean to them at all, but graciously exude joy so much that they can't even touch it. And, when someone tries to steal it with their negativity, jealousy, drama, inner issues...I could keep going...it's not your job to help them find joy and get their shit together. But, it's your job to protect your joy and keep it alive and magical and inhale it. Spread it. As in the interview with Oprah and Brene-"those on your side will do everything they can to help you rise" and in the words of my great friend Stephanie over that conversation "you are going to set 2016 on fire." So, go...be kind...be grateful...be joyous...find your tribe...bring joy..guard your joy...and set 2016 on fire.

The Language of Light

Well, hello.  It's been awhile.  Now, that race season is over (and the hard work continues) I have been enjoying my off season.  Letting my body recover.  Sleeping in.  More yoga.  More reading. More journaling.  More napping.  Re-charging my batteries a bit.  And more napping.....

I found this song last month and I really enjoy it.  So, here you go. The video made me love it more.
I love myself

So, a quick re-cap, if you will.  End of June I ended a triathlon in tears and blood.  Yes, you could say that is part of the sport.  But, these were different tears.  Tears of defeat, sure; but more-so tears not understanding my body.  I had put my training in and yet I couldn't get my shit together.  I wasn't swimming as fast as I could, on the bike I literally looked down at my legs and begged them to go faster and the run ruined a bit of my soul....or so I thought. I could hardly speak after because my voice was cracking.

The week after the race, I went to the doctor for blood work.  While waiting for the results a triathlon friend wanted to go for a ride.  On that ride I confided what I had been feeling.  The exhaustion was palpable.  It's hard being an endurance athlete in this sense.  You are always tired.  But, when is it not healthy? She shared her experiences from the year before.  Very similar.  It was so great to talk to someone who had experienced this.  In many ways.  It's hard for me to be very open with people.  For a lot of reasons.  I am a Virgo and a perfectionist.  I don't want to appear weak or off my game.  But, I took the gamble and opened up and shared that I was not only feeling horrible, I may drop out of my A race for the season, Calgary 70.3.  We shared a lot in those miles.  I had only planned to do 30 of them, but she inspired me and listened, so I completed the 60 some with her.  The was a twinkle of light at the end of the tunnel.  I didn't want to fall off my bike and die.  So, that was good.

Tests came back that my thyroid was out of whack and my iron was at the lowest of lows on the normal scale.  Put on medicine and iron supplements.  There were decisions to make, since Calgary was only a few weeks away.  Also, in the mean time, my race partner had decided to not do the race for her reasons.  Here I was with a lot in front of me.  So, what did I do? I deferred a race I had in July-the Missoula Half-Marathon and didn't sign up for a triathlon in my home town.  I needed a break.  I certainly didn't need another shitty race to mind eff me.  I decided to see how training would go this next week and decide on Calgary.  I took the pressure off me.  I trained at my pace, on  my schedule.  Still fighting fatigue.  But, was feeling better.  I mean only a week ago from this I could hardly get out of bed.  I went to the Farmers Market and didn't plan my day.  I trained and then had Anna time.  I read.  I mediated.  I met friends for coffee.  I confided in a couple of other friends what I was going through.  One close triathlon friend that helped me open up to my fears on Calgary-could I go and be okay with a DNF?  Could I not go and be okay with a DNS? Could I go and finish slower than last year?  These are hard questions to have with yourself.  But, my dear, what if you fly?  That is what I kept asking myself.  What if you go and kill it?  Or, what if you just go and be okay and be at peace with it all.  That month of July I learned so much about myself.  I am stronger than I think.  I can open up and be vulnerable.  I can show up and be brave in all areas of my life and people won't judge me and won't think the worst.  The people who care about you and love you will-no matter what.

So, one of the big things I did in this period was climb Boulder Hill.  I had been scared and let fear hold me back.  But, one Saturday, I woke up and was like this is the day. I am going to climb it even if it takes me all damned day and I will not get off my bike.  I was just telling a friend this story the other day.  I started off.  It is 2600 ft elevation gain in 6 miles. I started pretty decent and around 3 miles it starts really climbing.  I held steady and I did finish.  I stopped by Garmin and fell into my aero bars and cried.  Cried.  Different tears this time.  Tears of joy and redemption.  Brave enough to face my fears and brave enough to let go and enjoy this moment. The day was beautiful. I dreamed out loud and got it done. Then I flew down the hill.  With the biggest freaking smile on my face.  On the way up these cows by the side of the road were just staring at me...pretty sure they were judging me.  So, on the way back, I slowed enough to yell "What's up now muther fuckers!" Enjoy your victories.  Whenever and wherever.  Because they are yours and you worked your ass for them.  And yes, if that means you throw down with some random cows, then do it!  So be it.  It's good for your soul.  I was crossing the bridge to get to the frontage road and rode by a penny.  I turned around to get it.  Pennies from Heaven.  I cried more and thought of my grandma.  I miss both of my grandmas. Go hug yours.  Now.

That penny is still in my Bento Box on my bike.

For the record, I went to Calgary 70.3.  I killed the bike (took 16 min off last year) and I PR'd with shaving 8 min off my time from last year.

Always have to have Hot Pink nails when racing.

                                               
                                                    Best Helena Crew to be on this journey with.

Very inspirational to swim with the Iron Cowboy in Bozeman while tapering for Calgary.

Oh, and Andy Potts of course!  You know, that moment he recognized my name.

What did I learn from this, other than not to be tired.  I learned be brave enough to be vulnerable.  Let people know what you are going through.  As a #PerfectionistInRecovery this was a hard lesson for me.  ( I mean I was excited when I learned my blood type was A positive (A+)). To be open, to let others in.  To enjoy all your days.  Find one good thing about your day.  Look around you and take a moment to really see things.  To be kinder to others and definitely on yourself. Laugh more.  Cry more.  Leap more.  Be happy that you are healthy-because that can go away at anytime.  One of the best advice I received when talking about my goals in 2016 was "Do it. You are healthy and not injured.  A lot can change in 6 months to a year."  Slow down a bit.  Read more. Write.  Take more rest days.  Do more yoga!  Be joyful.  Find your Tribe.  Don't be afraid to put in the work and be Bad Ass.  Can you believe that holds people back, it has me.  I actually wrote in my journal "Don't be afraid of what you are capable of and what you can do and be."  (See, I just opened up a deep personal thought there!).  Showing that you are vulnerable doesn't mean shame.  It's okay to ask for help. Your loved ones will give it...and more.  See the light at the end of the tunnel.  You are amazing.  Take the journey with yourself.  Spend time with yourself.

I found this card around my birthday and I got it for myself.  Yes, yes I did.  So many reasons.  1.  It's hot pink. 2.  It's sparkly  3. It has a bad ass message.  And you better believe I put it where I will see it a lot. Love yourself.  Hug more.  And speak the language of light, it's all around you.  Look for it. See it. Be it.

And it will be!