But, before I jump in (literally), a song for your enjoyment.
Now, that it has become official, I can let the world wide web know. The company I work for merged, with another club in the organization. I knew this was happening last year, but end of December, beginning of January, I became concerned with my role. For many reasons. When one hears merger it triggers the fight in flight in people, or at least people such as myself. And, not only did we merge, but we hired a new advertising agency as well. Change can be scary and exciting. But, scared usually comes first. I had so many questions-"Am I losing my job? Are others losing their job? If I don't lose my job, how would it be changing?" That was just the tip of the iceberg in my over analyzing mind.
There were meetings and more meetings, then meetings to discuss these meetings. There was feedback, there were goals, there was growing and push back and then, there were tears. I had only told a couple close friends that this was going on and of course my parents. I asked for prayers and fingers crossed from Betty Teammates about the general feedback sessions that were going on. I could feel their strength. One of my closest friends and mentors offered hugs and advice and her fortitude gave me solid footing. My parents, both held higher positions in their own organizations, gave me knowledge and wisdom. Still there were tears, fear and uncertainty.
Those two months I walked on eggshells and stomach problems and didn't sleep. My boss says feedback is a gift. Sometimes it's hard to receive that gift. The merger meant higher expectations. I had no idea if I would have a job. I felt disappointed, others felt disappointed. I sat in meetings where expectations were laid out, feedback was given and then I was left to process and report back. So, I do what I do best. I jumped in a pool, drowned out the noise, focused on the black line at the bottom of a pool and processed, meditated and devised a plan. There were many sessions of this. I took solace with my Master Swimming group, to be with people who didn't talk merger or growth, but rather the big debate was going first. I have mourned and celebrated in a pool staring at the black line. During this time, I also developed a tradition of swimming by myself on Sundays. Bright and early. Usually just me in the pool. It's my time. It's my church. The sun came up with each lap a little bit more and reflected in the water and there was calmness. I prayed more, I took time during this ritual to re-group my energy and devise my comeback. A plan that stayed true to my spirit and my authentic self and yet, performed at a much higher pace and proof that I was up to the challenge that was in front of me.
There are two things you can do when someone/something challenges you to up your game-you can shrink or you can become a badass. I chose the second. I was done with not sleeping, stomach issues, tears and walking on eggshells. I needed to take ownership of my brand, the very thing I teach my peers and those in my life. You are your brand. Own it. And, to be completely honest with this, I let my brand slip over the last few months. The very thing I was feeling at work, I was feeling outside of work in certain situations. But, it was time to let it go.
Pool therapy is the best. So cathartic. No one can really talk to you and you aren't expected to talk or to talk very long. It's you and the water, listening to your body, looking at the black line, working on your stroke, your breathing, your kick, your rotation, your push off and essentially, yourself. So, being my badass self, I kept swimming, I kept attending my church, I kept surrounding myself and confiding in other badass women-my tribe.
And, I did the next logical step-I listened to a book that my fellow badasses had read. I love audio books. I listen to them to and from work, while I clean and when I travel. And the above-mentioned book for me was a game changer.
And you can get yours here: You are a Badass
This woman was me. In short, it helped me get out of my work rut, out of my own head and I outlined how I would be kicking ass at my-more demanding-high speed-job and essentially in many ways gave me the courage to devise a plan to kick more ass and be even more badass at my own life. All of which are thrilling and in new ways-scary. But, if we aren't growing and standing up to shrinking, then what are we doing?
I also continued reading Rising Strong by Brene' Brown. This book is also amazing. Brown reminds us that it's human nature to fall and then we must get the hell up. There is no shame to dust yourself off. Re-group. Re-focus. Breathe.
We need moments that make us stop and catch our breath. We need new opportunities, we need to be pushed and I know I definitely needed to be pushed and scared to be able grow. Complacency is what should scare us. But, I know that I have the tools to jump in and be better, just like in the pool. So, here is to putting it all out there and being more badass.
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