A Work in Progress

The last several weeks have been....crazy, wonderful, nuts and sometimes leaving me saying "What the....?"  But, you can either fight it or embrace it.  I chose to embrace it and be open to what the world is saying.  You might think "Oh, that sounds peaceful and wonderful."  It is...now.  At first this list loving, training plan following, on time Virgo struggled.  But, struggling is any process-if it's worth anything.

Here is my current favorite song.  Thank you to my friend Stephanie for always finding the perfect songs.
Mine

In the last few weeks, I have been open to everything. Believe me, I did have the self talk  like "O'Donnell, breathe, enjoy this and be open to how your story unfolds." Then, I would repeat it. At times it didn't make it easier. I was experiencing fatigue, dizziness, anxiety and stress. I felt foggy and lost my balance a couple times. Funny, stress feels like a hangover.  But, you have to fight for the light. That light could be your fish, the book you are reading or meditation. The light is you and embrace it.

I have had many people tell me "Thank you for being so honest and authentic in your process and experiences." I told myself when I started really writing that I would always be authentically me, sometimes that is my sarcastic, witty self.  Sometimes that is the raw, on the bathroom floor, gutted self.  I don't know why we hide that stuff. It's in every fiber of every human. I definitely have my tribe of women that I just spill  my guts to on a much deeper level, but I don't hide it on social media. My platform is genuine and for the most positive, but sometimes life smacks you across the face like a little bitch. As with everything, you have a choice how you will react. I remember after a horrible breakup, my mother said to me after days of crying, like at work using the copier crying still, that I had a choice. I have a choice on how I view things and how they control me. It is important to feel what you need to-anger, betrayal-but then you need to move forward. It could just be showering that day is a big victory.

In 2015, mid year, I decided not to be so pissed at things. And you know what, the sun came out. My thinking changed. I welcomed new relationships. I set goals. I looked for the light. It was hard, but being angry wasn't doing me any favors and actually was holding me back. It was about this time I truly wanted to write more and I journaled more. I smiled more and I appreciated the little things, like a stranger's smile, the birds and ground hogs. I treated people better, because I treated myself better.

So, if you think you are a shit show (and honestly, who doesn't) give yourself a little bit of credit. If you aren't a work in process, you aren't growing. And it's not all roses. It hurts. I mean, Growing Pains isn't just a show with Kirk Cameron, you know.

In the process I have asked for help from a therapist, talked with my friends over coffee, meditated and did my vision boards (yes, you all know it works!!). I write in my journal. The day that three AAA co-workers left in one week, one being a close co-worker, I wrote: "I know this is business, but today it feels very personal."

So, in this process, I chose to be authentically me. To not only seek the light, but be the light. To put my feet on the ground and be rooted and open to things. Sometimes those things don't work, but you just shift to the left or right and let it pass you by and focus again. It's okay to not know where life is taking you. It's really okay. You don't need to have your day, year or life planned out. You will miss things. Those things could be laughing with your friends so hard that every part of your body hurts. It could be the sunrise or sunset. Or it could be having the wind knocked out of your sails. You need it all and it will compose a beautiful story. Your story.

Be present. Be alive. Be rooted. Be you.  You do you, always.