The Art of Showing Up

It's snowing outside. Yesterday I was in 70's and doing an afternoon run. Today, I shoveled snow and so thankful for electric throw blankets. And of course the highest gratitude that I have for a roof over my head and heat. Always remember what you have.

And for the song that is my favorite right now. Like on repeat. Forever.

Castles


So, let's begin to discuss the art of showing up. This is something that has been on my mind for some time. Especially in the last couple of months actually. Showing up is a big freaking deal. Showing up for yourself and others to honestly realizing when you don't, but yet you think you do. Let's break it down into categories, shall we? (That's rhetorical, I am going to do it...)

I recently had someone commenting and complimenting me on showing up. Making the good effort and the good fight. It's in every fiber of my being. Not only was I raised to show up, to finish what I started and to stand by my words, but to represent someone who would help others. My parents are both examples of this. Of course this has manifested itself into my being in many ways and luckily has only grown stronger as I entered endurance sports. A-type triathletes have enough gumption to rule the world. And we will, with Beyonce.

Showing up in your own life:
This is big. If you haven't had to pull yourself up, re-evaluate your decisions and the direction of your life, are you even living? No. Life is about taking those chances, learning from the failures and I use the mantra I use in racing-Just keep moving forward. People will let you down, break up with you, end partnerships, give you feedback that you can learn from and at times think is complete horse poop, but what you chose to learn and take away is up to you. Remember, you decide what you will hold close. My first female boss/mentor gave me the greatest advice-feedback is a gift. However, another mentor, Brene Brown, advised the best saying I love and it is this: "If you aren't in the arena with me to get your ass kicked, then I am not interested in your feedback on my work or my life." Say it again. Say it one more time. Just because someone has an opinion of you or gives you feedback does NOT mean it's valid. That it's worthy. That it's something you should hold dear. Look at the source, or better yet, if it's not coming from a direct source but a second or third party...move on sister. Ain't nobody got time for that. We only have the conversations with the people who show up.

We all wake up each day and decide how to view the day and how we interact with the energy given to us and we must own the energy we give out. It's hard to wake up and feel a sense of no direction. A sense of sadness and a sense of loss. But, this is when it's time to serve others. I swear to you even a donation pile of shit that no longer holds value and donating it will change your spirit. Go for that walk. Read that book. Clean that area. Sleep in. Binge that Netflix series. Write your goals down. Showing up in your life is moving forward each day. Baby steps or huge freaking leaps. It's your life. I am a list person, so putting lists in my phone and crossing them off, even the simplest task give me a sense of accomplishment. It's amazing how putting laundry in makes you feel like you're getting shit done. Wake up and be loud. Be quiet. Be. Keep learning. Ask questions. Know at the end of the day, you showed up to move the needle in your life, even if it's only you that knows this. That.is.enough. I have had many seasons of showing up in my own life. It's taught me to embrace the hustle. It means new adventures, new relationships and new experiences.

Showing up for others:
This is a big one for me. I can't tell you how many times I have reached out to someone (and I am usually the one doing it) only to get no response but then see them on IG shooting like 1 million stories. That is not a good feeling. It's like you can be on social media but can't see how a friend is doing or even just shoot a text for coffee. Then it's all about them, their product, their life....that is such a small place to live. Like suffocating actually. What are you selling? Honestly, when you don't show up for others, your friends, you are selling your self short and hurting people in the process. Think about that. If you are constantly on your phone and yet, can never text back and can never reach out, then what value are you holding to yourself or to others? Hard truth, right? Social media has so many great things about it, but if you always make it about you and have it hold so much space in your life, you are doing it wrong my friend. So wrong.

My old cross country coach instilled in us that when we passed others on the course, we always said good job. It's not only the right thing to do, but also motivates the other person and you have a sense of togetherness on the course. This is something I hold dear to me today and is always in my spirit when racing. I say it when I pass people and I actually do love it when other's say it to me when they pass me. I did this in the Montana Marathon recently, not only on the course, but after. I drove the route later when the 6 hour marathoners are out there and cheered them from my car, then went to the finish to cheer in the last remaining runners. Cheer for freaking people, people! In life and sport. In both people are gritting it out and you being there is everything.  I recently did this again for an older gentleman running the entire Wolf Creek Relay and gave him water at stops after my turn and we cheered our butts off for him. Surround yourself with others who show up. I didn't know any of these people. But, in showing up for them, I showed up for me. Remember that reciprocated feeling of serving others I mentioned earlier, it's true. Cheering for others in any situation will raise your energy. I always say, be someones moment. Do it.

I also do this for my community. I care about those around me and coordinate neighborhood meet ups. Advocate for better facilities and safer streets. I listen to concerns from task force meetings. I shovel walks so they are clean those walking in my neighborhood (my dad is probably reading that over and over again. Manual labor is not my jam...). I see if other's need help if they are broken down. I pet all the dogs. Do the things.

Showing up to the table:
I once was told this about yoga. There are teachers and then there are instructors. So true. I have cried in yoga when teachers are guiding the class. I have looked at the clock with instructors. Same with other aspects in your life. The other saying is there are bosses/supervisors and then there are leaders. The female mentor I mentioned earlier gave me some hard growth early on in my career. But, it shaped me so profoundly. One of the things she said to me was "I want you to be a leader and will help you get there." And she did. She wanted everyone to be a leader. Key word is everyone. She gave me the tools, she allowed me to seek out other tools and gave me a voice at the table. Another Brene Brown philosophy. Everyone should have a voice at the table, however, everyone at the table doesn't necessarily deserve to be there. Following? Okay. We have all had supervisors, executives or managers at the table, making the decisions and trying to lead the best they can. But, what if they aren't growing, honing their own skills (communication, managing, accountability, leadership development..), then what? It's not enough to have a title and to sit at the table. Actually Chris Hogan, a great speaker on leadership says titles actually don't matter. And they don't. You can have a fancy title and be a poor communicator and/or leader. The title or the group doesn't make the team. I actually had this talk with another mentor of mine. She is someone who exudes leadership, listening, growing and showing up. And is a VP in her company-which is well known. We discussed what if those at your table aren't growing, learning and developing skills that will not only improve themselves and the company and ultimately those around them. Then what? That's when showing up itself is not enough. Having a seat and then making decisions but not up-leveling yourself, is not enough. It's not enough for you, for your organization or your colleagues. And yes, everyone feels this way. And yes, everyone notices.

Invite members of your community and neighborhood to the table. I am working on getting to know my neighbors more. I am involved in task forces and most recently invited my neighbors on NextDoor to meet for coffee. Let's bring community back. Let's wave, talk to each other and look out for each other. Justin Timberlake brought sexy back, I am trying to bring community back one coffee at a time. Show up for your neighbors. Introduce yourself. I love living near a park because so many community events are held there and I love just popping down to see what's up and meet new people. Show up for strangers and make them friends. Be approachable. Do the approaching. Ignite the conversation. Fuel the community. Build that sense of partnership in your neighborhood.

So, show up for yourself and others. Connect with people. Don't forget you are your brand. Listen. Invite people to your table. Hear them. Share stories. It will change you. I promise. And as always, you do you.

Ironman Santa Cruz 70.3-Birthday Trip Race Recap

Hey, there. I have missed you all. I really have. I hope you remember me. It's been awhile. It was me, not you. Really.

Before I dive into this race recap for this epic trip, I want to let you know what song I am loving right now. 

Someone you loved

So, if you have spent any amount of time with me, you know I love traveling. I love meeting new people and seeing new places. In December 2018, I was feeling the urge to race again. I looked over race schedules and locations. Then Santa Cruz fulfilled all my criteria. It was a race I tracked in 2017 and had always been interested in. In would be a fall race (I could train in the summer and hopefully race in cooler weather-which for me is a dream), it would involve an epic road trip and most importantly, it fell over my birthday. For those unfamiliar with my birthday goal, it is to wake up somewhere new on my birthday. Two years ago I spend the weekend in Wallace biking the CDA trail. Last year I was in Italy. This year was Santa Cruz. I hope I can continue it next year. So, register I did. Train I did. Book the details.....like you even had to ask....

In true Anna fashion, picked up my vehicle to road trip in and packed up the night before I left. To be honest leading into this trip in the final stretch was a little stressful, but as things started to fall into place I became excited. When I went to get my rental-which I booked a Toyota Rav4, they didn't have that model in and when I said I picked it because I have a bike, they offered me a Dodge caravan. I was like hell yes. Especially since I tried the other car for good measure and no way my TT bike was fitting in it. A minivan, my bike and road trip, it's like dreams do come true. Also reminded me when we loaded 4 bikes in a minivan when we did a training camp in San Diego!

I headed out that Thursday before the race and met the sun on Highway 90. Sipping coffee, watching the sun come up and listening to podcasts of amazing thought leaders. Breathing in the new day and the adventure that waited. Many people don't like road trips, especially for days. Many couldn't believe I would do this trek by myself. But, you will die waiting for things and people to do things, if you aren't careful. Go experience the sun on your face. And Red Bull!

I made it to Carson City where my friend Jenny McCullough offered me to stay with her parents. I was so thankful. It was like staying with my parents. They were very nice and generous. I actually liked driving through Idaho and Nevada. I hadn't driven through Nevada in a long time....like I am pretty sure I was in a car seat last time or barely out of one and being tormented by brother in the back with no escape in sight for his harassment. So, this was a nice change. I woke up the next day, showered, had a conversation with Jenny's dad, grabbed coffee and a banana and headed into Santa Cruz. Check-in opened at 12 pm and I like to get checked in the as soon as I can, takes the edge off. Oh and by the way, I forgot to mention my minivan was baller. Black, black rims and tinted windows. I was rollin' deep. 

This is little Jenny

I rolled into Santa Cruz and checked in. I went into the merchandise tent to spend my money and ran into Wattie teammate Karen. We chatted and hung out for a bit and then went to the athlete briefing together. Then went to this vegan place for lunch and got to know each other. I love sport and this team. Everyone is so nice and nervous just like you. We chatted about our lives and past races. Then I drove to my Airbnb and put on my running shoes and did a shake out run around the neighborhood and the boardwalk. I was staying really close, so that was nice. Then my friends Gabbie and Scott showed up. I have known Gabbie since our Betty Designs days and her husband from Wattie and now we are all on the same team together! We went to this burger place they loved when they raced Santa Cruz in 2017. Had a great menu and next time I am definitely having a shake! They looked delicious. I had the salmon burger and Snapple. Very clean and basic. They also had a cool atmosphere, fun staff and even pizza. The place was called burger. Santa Cruz. Make sure to check them out on your visit. After dinner we went to the wharf, spotted otters and sea lions and then took our lawn chairs to the beach where Ironman was showing the movie The Lost Boys on the beach. They had popcorn and candy going and it was perfect. And very California. And I soaked it up. Until it got cold and then traveling hit me and we packed it up. But, we made it a long time. Also, I miss bad movie montages...and this movie hit that spot for me. I also own it, so there's that. 

The next morning was my birthday! If you have spent anytime with me-you know that birthday's are my thing. I love them. It's your day. Your own special 24hours that perpetuates your existence and a chance to give the universe gratitude for another year around the sun. I woke up and Gabbie, Scott and Mike headed down to the Wattie team breakfast. Breakfast was at Ideal Bar & Grill. This was the perfect spot on the wharf to see the water and eat eggs. It was great to meet team members in person as well as get sparkly candles in my eggs benedict. After team pictures, the #909crew (that was our house address) headed to the water to do a practice swim. I always find this calms me and also helps to put on your wetsuit one time before you swim to get it stretched out a bit. Gabbie and I headed into the water after Mike. Scott watched our stuff. The water hit my face and was so cold. But, like in Nemo, I just kept swimming and it wore off after 75 yards. We swam out to a couple of buoys, then headed back. Rinsed off in the showers outside, then headed back to the house. Mike and I changed and took our bikes out for a quick spin and then over to the mechanic that Wattie set up for our team to do some tweaks and get us race ready. Then we headed back again to the house. I was already feeling like this was a busier day before a race that I would liked and I needed food. Like I was getting hangry. We headed to Ideal again to get a late snack of food before checking in our bikes and another pic with the team. Once I got food in me, I was better and it was my birthday after all so I ordered a drink and the nice waiter put it in a to-go coffee cup with an umbrella so I could drink on on the way to our next place. Not all heroes wear capes. 

We had out team picture and then we checked in our bikes. Since the team had their own rack it was numbered oddly. This would come to haunt me on race day trying to find my stuff in every transition.

After dropping bikes off we listened to the athlete pro-talk and cheered for our girl Heather Jackson. Then we took pictures with her, Sean and Rinny and our TriClub team picture. Then went to the merchandise tent again, you know, because Ironman doesn't have enough of our money already. Then headed back to the house to chill for a bit. I went and took a little nap and to seek quiet time. Then we headed to dinner at Burger again. See a pattern? When it comes to racing at a new place, I like to stick with things that have already sat well in my stomach and in this case it was the salmon burger, fries and a Snapple. It was perfect, the food and company. We headed home and Mike and I got our bottles, bags and race day items laid out. Then I had Gabbie Theragun me for a painful good time. Actually this was amazing and I am gladly accepting this as a gift from anyone....literally anyone. Then we went to bed.

Race day alarms are the worst. I always wake up wondering why I am doing this and just wanting my parents. And the idea that there is something to just volunteering at this race that seems alluring. But, I always shuffle out to get my coffee and stretch while trying to start putting something in my stomach, which is hard at 3:45 am, in case you wanted to know. Mike and I are both up doing this and then I start to put my kit, timing chip and numbers on. Grab my bottles and wetsuit and then we roll out and walk to the start. I went to the bathroom at the house, but as usual nervous athlete I immediately get in the bathroom line. We have 45 min before transition is closed. 15 min in the bathroom line makes me panic. Although we are moving, it's not fast enough but you don't want to get out. So, the ladies next to me make a plan that the next one that opens up I would just run for it because I still needed to get ready. It opened and I ran. And went. And all was right with the world.

I get to transition with 30 min about to spare. Set up, fix things, put hydration in and Mike comes and finds me and helps. Our team is there doing the same. Stomaching nerves and making sure all of our stuff is set up. Put on my wetsuit and sunscreen and slowly making my way to the beach to start with the other herd of anxious athletes. I was just glad we had a beautiful clear day to swim. No fog, no rain and nothing to cancel or shorten the swim, which has happened here in the past. I ask someone to zip me up and then I go watch the pros take off and see how they are swimming. I don't get the water because I don't want to freeze waiting to start. I look for my projected swim heat and file in and find Karen and Mike there. We head to the start. I get my watch ready. Goggles down. Deep breath and the buzzer goes off. I run in the sand to the start and  get in. Holy coldness. It actually takes my breath away. I swim for a couple strokes with my head out of water. Then put it under. I remember from the day before that it will get better and I will adjust. I do and I get into a rhythm and do well sighting. It feels easy. Easier than CDA. Salt water  buoyancy will do that for you. I could tell I caught the previous swim heat. I passed them and headed in. Stood up and headed out before the next wave came in. In this race, you run through the beach and down a side walk path to T1. It's about .30 of a mile and it adds a bit to your transition time but actually I didn't feel like it was that bad.They had wetsuit strippers and then I jogged with it in my hand. I was happy with my swim time since lately I have been feeling slow. So this was a good start! In transition of course I had the hard time finding my bike. Remember from above? Ugh.

Headed out on the bike and I was excited to see where this course goes. It has always been a bucket list items to bike the Pacific Coast Highway and I was doing it! I just tried to focus on that and the beautiful ocean to my side. I would periodically look over at it to really be present and enjoy this. I will say that all the biking in the wind on training rides helps on the course. Known to be windy, this was true today. People were careful at times to even be in aero. There are some short steep hills and rollers, but nothing bad compared to where we train here. Everyone was so nice on this course. I mean there were pods but that happens when going fast, then slow, then fast..... but we all respected each other and cheered. It was so fun. In CDA people were passing on the left and right of you and really didn't care. Not a fan of that. I was advised to stay off the shoulder so I wouldn't flat. I did that. They close the traffic for you so it wasn't bad. But, I did see people flat over and over again. As always, thankful for a safe mechanical race. I did drop my chain on the beginning of a hill, but hopped off, fixed it and got back at it. Hit the turn around and knew that it was time to put the hammer down. And that is what I did. I set a new PR for a 40k in the middle of a race! I kept looking at the ocean, cheering people on and of course about mile 50, I wanted off this bike! I headed into dismount with people and got off my bike and it slipped out of my hands and dropped. Ugh. Hello, bike handlers or volunteers? You have one job.....got a couple scratches on my handle bars but that is about it, thankfully! I ran into T2, which is crap shoot of bottle necking, and tried to find my area...again. Thankfully someone helped me. I mean, let's do better about keeping numbers in order with team racking sections. It makes no sense to put the 700's off to the side and not in order. I digress. But it was worth it to be with my team.

I headed out into the run. I was already hotter than I wanted. 70's. The run is interesting. It's on the street, path and trail. Like adventure racing. I looked for people I knew heading back as I was heading out. Saw Misty Hibdon first and that was great! She was rocking it! Then cheered on teammates and the crowds were great on the street. Then I looked for Mike, he was coming around the corner and that was nice! We high-fived. And I kept shuffling on. I hit the trail and the wind got worse. Sand and dirt flying in my face and mouth. I kept my head down and focused on ocean, the person in front me and nutrition. I suck at nutrition on the run. I do stop at aid stations and grab oranges and drinks and make it a point for this, but in terms of fuel in my stomach it's hard for me and ultimately is something I have to work on. I milked one gel the whole time. 

When a group of runners got off the dirt trail to the pave trail again we laughed how we didn't remember signing up for an adventure race with that loop. And then we carried on. I kept moving forward. I felt okay until about 3 ish miles left. I hit the street loop back which is great and has that iconic view of the ocean and lighthouse. But, this run has no shade and by this point I was exhausted and hot. I knew I was getting sunburned. I focused on those ahead of me to pass and keep moving. I could hear the announcer and wanted to get to him. To my friends and teammates. People were still out cheering. I was getting close and someone yelled just down and around the corner and you're there! I picked it up as best as I could and passed a couple more people, turned and saw the finishers shoot, my friends, the cheers and my feet hit the sand and I smiled big and threw my hands in the air. I loved this finish! I loved this race. I could hear #909crew shout for me! I went through and got my hat and my medal and took the pics. Then went to meet everyone. Scott came and picked me up at the finish and we headed to meet everyone. 

We walked back to the expo where the team was waiting to see how we placed as a team. Then Mike and I went and grabbed our bike, grabbed a piece of pizza (which I am surprised I could eat because I never can eat after) and headed to the spot everyone was at. Saw Misty and congratulated her. She was going to see about the roll down and if she got a spot. Wattie got 3rd for TriClub rankings! We took pictures and popped champagne. Our #909crew left after and headed back. We showered and hung out. Gabby and Scott were taking off shortly after that. Made me sad. I was so glad they were there for this race. It meant so much...so much. And Mike and I headed to eat and celebrate......at you guessed it....Ideal! This time it was drinks and pasta for this girl and we talked to others that raced and congratulated them. I love this sport for the camaraderie! Then Mike and I headed back to the house and he loaded up. It was so great getting to know him and have another teammate there with us. And a father figure of sorts. I was sad it was done. Of course, after that I slept with all the lights on-ha!

It was a hot one..that's all salt! And dirt!

#909crew

The next morning I wanted to soak in Santa Cruz a bit more before just hitting the road. Plus, stretch the legs a bit. I walked down to the wharf and walked the pier. Thankful that the fog that set in waiting one day. I breathed in the salted air. I talked to early fisherman and saw the sea lions one last time. Then I walked into a souvenir shop for a magnet and talked to the lady for a bit. I walked back knowing the coffee shop I wanted to try while I was there was just opening, Picnic Basket. I walked in few people were there that had just raced as well. We talked and then they invited me to sit and chat. I did. I love meeting new people. Love it. We talked racing and where we lived. It was a great morning. I walked back and packed up. I was hoping to get to at least Idaho. Traffic wasn't bad and I enjoyed not getting on the road at 4/5 am to enjoy the morning, explore and meet new people. But, it's always the travel back that lasts forever. I made it to the boarder of Nevada and Idaho and stayed in Jackpot. Which was good because after this point I wanted to get off the road. It was two lane and dark. I stayed in a hotel my dad booked for me, it was nice and quite. Its across from the casino. I slept for the night and got up early to head out again. I enjoy road tripping. Listening to books, podcasts and catching up with friends. I was ready to get back though. I rolled in to Billings and unpacked the car and my dad met me to help me and then took the car back. All and all it was a great trip and I stayed on the I-15 because I wanted all highway and not to get behind tourists in the park. 

I did love this trip and this race. It's probably one of the few races I would do again. I loved the laid back vibe of the town, the ocean, the hills even and the sunburn that still haunts me a bit with peeling and sweet tan lines. It's exactly what I wanted. After CDA back issues on the bike and longest race to date, I needed a win. With friends and teammates and a fun location/race, I feel like I did exactly that. I felt so good about this experience. It was a great ending to a long triathlon season and the otters we saw sealed the deal too.

Keep moving forward. Keep showing up. Keep giving people high-fives. And as always, you do you.