I know it's the second to last day of the year (can I get a hallelujah!), but what better way to finish out this years bucket list wrap up. First I want to say how awesome it is that many of you have been inspired by the need to experience things and places, to make memories and to create your own bucket list-I am grateful for your kind words.
Here is the song I am digging currently:
You Can Run
So after Hawaii has been a blur. First was the after vacation reset-it's hard to get back into the vibe of work and life after a vacation. It's true-you need a vacation after vacation. #AmIRight Then was the holidays and my work/family life became my focus for the last two months. Alas, with this season of the year of holiday parties, traveling for holidays and winter wonderlands, I really had two main bucket list items. One per month, really.
November
In November, I wanted to see Nutcracker on the Rocks. I went with my really good friend Adrienna. I love ballet and have seen the original Nutcracker many times. So, I wanted to see what this was about. I will tell you it was interesting. Yep, that is all I have. It was good to see what it was about and experience it, but it's definitely checked off, if you know what I mean.
December
This bucket list item isn't a place. Rather it's an act. Probably one of the hardest, forgiveness. It's some hard shit, right? It is if you really dig deep with yourself. It's a process I have been working on for a year and half. Sometimes it takes a bit to process and that is okay. It's okay not to immediately forgive someone who has repeatedly hurt and lied to you and your family. It also took that long because I wanted to see if this person was on the right track for reals-not the up and down shit my family has been through. I gave up finally after several lies and hurtful things this person has done and stopped talking to him after he did something I thought it was the straw that broke the camels back. This person is my brother. If you want a little more background -read the post "Lessons from my brother"for context. But, that is all that I will share. I do write honestly and raw about my experiences and life, but I do want to protect other's stories at a certain point. I last spoke to my brother December 2015. I was just done. Also, read "Guarding My Joy" post. I was okay with others not being done, but I was done. I needed to go through my own process of being angry, betrayed and protective of my mother. It took me at least six months to mention his name to my mother. And my brother had to go through his own powerful processes of sorts. A journey he needed to take a long time ago and fully complete and immerse himself in. He did that. He showed me progress in the simplest things-birthday cards, texts and so on. And yet, I needed still more time. Remember your timeline is not defined by others. There was a point that my timeline and boundaries did upset my mother, but she understood.
So, six months ago I started my process of forgiving. To heal the wounds that had been created. But, also to stop nailing my brother to the cross on shit he was trying to make better and move forward. That not only impedes him, but stales my own growth. I saw him for the first time this last Christmas. And it was good to see him. I felt like a piece of me was back and peace was restored in a way. Because at the end of the day it's important that everyone feels loved, wanted and most importantly, safe. I had an idea of things I needed before forgiveness was to be offered. However, it doesn't work like that most of the time. And speaking of time, that is not a given. So, if you can, give someone the benefit (if it's not like murder or something). Forgiveness is a dirty whore sometimes, but stick with the process. That is my hope for you as you leave 2017. And with that, the last item on my bucket list was marked off.
Anna
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