But, first this song that gives all the feels lately and the video is super fun
I swear once I entered January my body new this was a big year. I have had back issues and ribs issues. I have seen my active relief chiropractor more in the last month than I have in the last four. And who knew that cartilage from ribs being out would take the longest to heal or maybe it's that old age thing? The upside is also this last month people have thought I was 26 to 34. I contribute this to my plant lifestyle-ish, being active, napping and kid free lifestyle-ha!
But, something else has become clear as well this month. No one I know has their shit together in our age group +/-five years. And yes, I mean everyone-and yes I am looking at you too. I would go so far that most people don't have their shit together the way they would like. But, for my research I will stick to those close to me in age. Most of the individuals in my close and far circle of friends do not have their shit together. From living at home, divorce, unemployment to heading into second careers, back to school, living paycheck to paycheck, not enough 401 k and having one more kid than they wanted..er planned.
My social feeds are full of people not having their shit together and of people looking like they have their shit together. You can put all the filters you want on your life, but at night you have to live in it. My therapist told me this week I need to sit in uncomfortableness at times. I have the mentality that when things get hard and sticky that I just want to push forward and not feel bad. I will go outside, coffee with a friend or anything to keep moving forward and find positivity. So, real talk, I had to sit with some hard shit lately. Some painful shit. And my first reaction was to right away and keep pushing forward and while I was doing that I wanted to watch a comedy. But, then I remembered her words. And I decided to watch the most dramatic and saddest movie and be in that moment and decided to sit with my unbelief, sadness and pain for a few days. As my friend Amy said, "You need to get through it to get to it" or something like that-Ha. Admitting life sucks at times is not being negative, it's being truthful.
I also went through a major health scare this month. My mammogram showed some concern and the doctor called me. I have had a mammogram for six years and I never get a call, so I know it wasn't a good sign. I have a history of breast cancer in my family and every year with trepidation I get one. As I headed back to the imaging center that same day of the call, the X-ray tech showed me the spot that was concerning. And I could see it. I could see why they called me back. I could feel my heart stop. They did additional imaging and the doctor was in and she took the images back and asked me to hold still. She came back and said he wants an ultrasound. I did the ultrasound. I could feel the pressure of the spot they were looking at. Then I waited for the call. In the meantime I called my close friends and mom. I wanted to wait for the results before I told my father. On the drive over to my friends house after the second appointment I thought "I may not even have my health anymore." Then I swore of any soda and dips...but then I told myself to get real, I am never giving up dips-ha. The doctor called the next day and said the ultrasound cleared up any concern. It was a piece of fibrous tissue and no concern and to have a regular mammogram next year. I was at the gym. I got on the treadmill and hit the fastest button and ran and cried. Then I realized I was making the crying noises and really had to pull my shit together and get out of the gym. Later I also got a second opinion on the images just to be safe-same clear result. So, January has been a little bit of a bitch, but not like Tom Brady little bitch, so I can deal.
Before the end of the year, I asked friends if they could define 2018 with one word, what would it be? This is what they said:
- Confidence
- Change
- Hopeful
- Determination
- Rebirth-that is mine
These are all from strong women. All from women who are undergoing life changes because they were not where they wanted to be. See, no one has their shit together. So, stop being so hard on yourself and comparing yourself. I have done a lot of comparing this month and it has made it worse and what has made it better is remembering my #youdoyou attitude and for others sharing their stories. Our generation is constantly changing and seeking challenges and ways to be better and that is either through fitness, books, life/job changes or relationship changes. The old ways of having a career for 20-30 years is not us. Being married for 50 plus years is not us (although sometimes sadly), but we shouldn't stick in a situation where we can't grow. I am there myself and probably having a mid life crisis as I write this. #sorrynotsorry
So, remember as we head into this year that shit happens. Life is hard and sad and painful. But, life can be beautiful and full of love and not fear. But, sometimes you need to be on your bathroom or kitchen floor crying and sending vibes to the universe for direction or letting go and letting it guide you (that is the spirit junkie in me). We make mistakes. We fail. We have anxiety and stress. And it's okay to sit in that for awhile and learn from it. Having your shit together is an unattainable goal really. We can only strive to do better.
While you figure your shit out, remember to live in the moment, travel and always, you do you.
Anna
