Till' I Collapse
Well, the new year is upon us and the first month is almost over. The new year brings new beginnings, new promises and.....new endings. Sometimes you can't have a new beginning without an ending. I am a little bit hesitant of New Years Resolutions. Why? Maybe the fear of failure. Maybe I feel like I should be continually be working on things throughout the year and not let them slide because I know I can start again. Basically, it's like a diet :-) So, I make quiet promises to myself and goals to achieve. I actually write them down in a book. I rarely share them. But one of my mantras for 2015 is Letting Go. That is a big one. But I have broke it down in many subsections. Like, letting go the fact that my neighbors after a year don't understand the parking rules. The old Anna would have fought the battle based on principle. That is how I was raised. But, just as my parents taught me that, they are now teaching me to pick some battles and let others go. I think we are all getting older and wiser. Well, at least they are.
Already this year, especially this last week, I have had to deal with letting go and helping others let things go. I was there when one my closest running and life friends let go of his father this week. Saying goodbye and choosing to celebrate his father's life. My friend has the best outlook on it. It wasn't a sudden death, which can be a blessing and curse at the same time. He handled it with grace and compassion. Choosing to honor his father's life. That man raised a good son.
This week I also helped one of my best friends work through one of the hardest things she has had to deal with-a cheating spouse. Decisions had to be made. Tears are still falling. Shock. Disbelief. Anger....Mourning. My friend and I talked about how we always told ourselves we would leave in that situation. However, one of us is confronted with it. Dynamics have changed. Lives altered. I told her I would stand by her no matter what. I did tell her she will have the fight of her life to save that marriage. They both want to fight, luckily. I love this girl. She has picked me up many times from the bathroom floor with my heart ripped out. Now, I will pick her up. She and her husband are already on the path of therapy and making changes and spilling their guts. Being so open and raw that it's just painful to speak the words. I told her after time she will have to let it go. To truly move forward. That within itself will be a battle, but one worth fighting. I was in disbelief, but not angry at this man. What the what?! I know. I am not angry because this couple means so much to me and I have spent time with them and see the underlying love. I have been there since the beginning and I know it was a slip up and not a breaking point. And I know he loves my friend and they will both work on things and let others go. It won't be overnight, but it will happen. But as my favorite saying goes: "Nothing worth fighting for is easy."
Lastly, this week, I had to let go of a friendship. A friendship that I cared for and enjoyed. However, there was a trust broken. And she wasn't the only one to participate. So, I am still thinking how I want to handle the other party. But the other party is the lesser of two evils. My friend was sneaky and lied. You want to piss me off do these things: be sneaky, don't communicate and lie. I told one of my besties and some close running friends that she lied-their response-OH SHIT. Because they know my tolerance for that is so low. Once trust is broken and someone doesn't keep their word, you (me) as a person need to decided if that behavior will be tolerated. Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have seen this person's stories not add up. The analytic thinker in me (still thinking I should have been a lawyer) recognizes quickly when shit doesn't add up. Sometimes you let it go, other times you don't. I gave this person several days to reach out. They knew I was upset. Nothing. So, on the fifth day I decided to let it go-and by that I mean, let it go from my presence. So, I called her out on her lies and inconsistent stories. It was sad. You can tell reading it that I was disappointed. My friends and I have supported her in every new idea, adventure and turmoil that she encounters. Only to have this. I have my own reaction to people being deceitful to me, but it when it effects other people's plans and money commitments, besides my own, then I get really upset. She read the message and as one my running freak friends said, "she won't be accountable." And she hasn't. But it was more about me stopping that behavior-at least to me. It wasn't right and as a grown woman she should know better. She did I am sure, they both probably did, but chose to act differently. So, I let her go. Let the fact that she did this go. People who continue that behavior will never learn. We all have a right and a responsibility for how people treat us. Once I wrote it and sent it, haven't thought about it much since. She knows she is wrong-they both should know that. I am content. Quality over quantity.
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Namsté
